Thursday, 19 February 2015

Divorce and the sanction of love....

We live in a day and age where it is so easy to get divorced, so easy, that if you are not happy with the person by the next month it could be over.  We see this everyday with celebrities. They have only known the person for a couple of months and then bang they are married. And then a couple of months later, bang they are heading for divorce….

Quiet a sad tale, I would say. How did it evolve to this? Is it because there is no value in the word LOVE anymore? Is it because our main objective in life is to see how many men and woman we can take to bed? Call me old fashioned but I want to be “courted” and I want to get to know you like I know myself before you even think of taking me to bed.

Where are our values and ethics? Not only for the other person, but for ourselves? Do we value ourselves so little, that we are willing to use our bodies as pawns just for that 15 minutes of gratification? Has our lives become all about sex? Don’t get me wrong, sex is good, but when it is done with someone you love and can see yourself growing old with. Is the thrill of being intimate with a different person every night better than the thrill of coming home to someone who cares for you and who loves you?

How do couples, who have known each other for only a short while, think they can build a relationship and a marriage around that? Is it the saying that “you will learn to love that person and their faults”? My grandparents have known each other for over 60 years and have been married for 50 years. That means that they knew each other for 10 years before they decided to get married. Now 10 years sound like a long time to get to know each other, which can explain why they are still married.  Yes there have been ups and downs, but they couldn’t see themselves living a life without each other.  I know what you are thinking, yes there are couples who have lasted but the statistics on divorce are shocking.

And what about the implications on the kids?

 As a child of a divorced family (I know many of us are), I know the emotional and psychological impact it can have on you.  These celebrities and basically everyday people, don’t realise what they are doing to their kids.  I know when my mom and dad got divorced, my world came crumbling down. I blamed myself. At the tender age of 9, who wouldn’t? Adults don’t realise what they are doing to their children. Yes, yes, staying in a relationship for the sake of the kids, doesn’t work either. But here’s what I’m getting at: Why did you get married in the first place? You could have known in the beginning it wasn’t going to work. You should have seen the signs. Now you are faced with telling your kids that they will have to have 2 bedrooms and will only see daddy every second weekend. And NO, having 2 bedrooms sucks, BIG TIME!! Seeing your mom and dad fight. Having to meet your mom or dad’s new partner. Having to share your parents with someone else. Having another person trying to be your mom or dad? IT HURTS!! And it fucks you up totally! No amount of going to the psychologist will help. This will affect your kids for the rest of their life.

People need to realise what they are going to do, not only to themselves but to their children (if they have) as well, if they get married before they truly know each other.  Personally for me, I want my first marriage to be my only marriage. How does the old adage go? If it’s broke, fix it! Don’t throw it away! 

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