Tuesday, 16 June 2015

What is a dad?

The saying goes “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad!” and I would have to agree.  I have been on both sides of the spectrum, where I have a loving dad but I also have a person who was only the “father” to my son. I have to say it is a bittersweet place to be.

Let’s start with my dad. I have always had a close relationship with my dad. From the time I was a little girl to where I am today, my dad has been my rock. No matter how badly I messed up or whatever I may have done, my dad has never judged me.  When my mom and dad got a divorce, I went and lived with my mom, courts choice. But when I was 13 I convinced my mom to let me go live with my dad. Some say I am too attached to my dad, but I know I wouldn’t have been able to get through the things I have been through without him.

My dad was there when I decided to leave my comfort zone and move to another city. My dad was there for me when I fell pregnant and was abandoned. Now some can call me what they want, but I think it is extremely sad, when a girl doesn’t have a relationship with her father. One of my friends has the exact same relationship with her dad, and on many occasions we talk about the subject.  Who do you turn to when you help? I know for some the situation is unavoidable. You may have lost your father or your father doesn’t want anything to do with you. And for these girls I feel so sorry.

Now let’s talk about these guys who think that it is ok to get a girl pregnant and then leave. Then you want to call yourself a dad? How the hell do you justify that? My son is 5 this year and has never seen his dad, he has never spoken to his dad and has never met his brother or sister. But yet he calls himself a dad, because he stepped up to the plate for the other two. What about the child you threw away? The child who wonders who his dad is, because all his friends’ dad’s come to fetch them at school? The child who has become so scared that everyone is going to abandon him like his father did, that he now clings to me when I leave the room?

Every night I pray and thank God for the little angel I was blessed with. Yes this has been a hard time in my life, and at times I didn’t know how I was going to make it through. But I know with my dad by my side, I can achieve anything I want. My angel might wonder who his father is but he definitely has a father figure in my dad. For that I am eternally grateful. I know my dad won’t be here forever but I will cherish the time we spend together. And I will thank him every day for the presence he has in my son’s life.

So the difference between a father and a dad, is that a father makes kids and forgets them, but a dad gives them love and affection. Holds them tight when they get hurt. Is the shoulder to cry on when things seem to go wrong and doesn’t leave when things get tough. It’s the unconditional love that a dad gives all his children, not just the ones that matter.

Do you have a close relationship with your dad? 

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