Monday, 10 August 2015

Why do you stay?

I have wondered this for many years and I still don’t have an answer. Why do women stay in abusive relationships? What is the allure that keeps you from standing on your own two feet and leaving a man that continually physically, mentally or verbally abuses you?


Who am I to judge you ask? Have I ever been in a situation like this? No I haven’t but someone very close to me has and I live with her in that life. I saw what it did to her physically and mentally. I saw the way she gave up on life, how she seemed to waste away as a person. She didn’t seem to be like the person I knew and loved.

No matter how many times I begged and pleaded her to leave, if not for herself then at least for me, she would always say no. I was on the verge of letting go and walking away from the one person who I love with all my heart. Thankfully in our case a miracle happened and the abuser changed his ways. For that I will be eternally grateful but I always wonder what would have happened had it not.

I still have so many questions as to why women stay. And please don’t tell me you love him and he is a good guy. There is no way in hell he is a good guy. Good guys don’t beat their girlfriends/ fianc├ęs/ wives to a pulp. They don’t run her down and emotionally abuse her. No, good guys are the ones that treat you like a princess and make you feel good about yourself. They lift you up and would never dare lay a hand on you.

Is it that you feel you deserve what you are getting? Do you think you are not good enough and he is the only person who will love you? Do you think this is what love is supposed to feel like? Are you too scared to stay alone?

Well let me tell you something! You don’t deserve it! Not at all. No matter what you have done, no woman deserves it. There are other ways to resolve issues and being abusive is definitely not one of them. You are good enough. Good enough for you and good enough for someone who will love you the right way! Someone who will cherish you and be the man you need. And no, that is not real love. Real love is kind and compassionate. It is caring, it is healing and it is nurturing.

So do you stay because you are too scared to stay alone? To scare to take this world on by yourself? I see it so much lately. Women going from one man to another, just because they don’t like their own company and they don’t want to be alone. Or they need the justification of a man.  Ladies wake up. You are independent and strong. You don’t need a man to validate you. Try standing on your own and being everything you thought you need from a man.  

Don’t let an abusive man keep you from living the life you deserve. Stand up and leave him. You deserve better and you will find better.  But first find yourself. Find the person you were before you were blinded by this man. Learn to love yourself and then the right man will come along and love you even more!

We are women not punching bags. We are humans and don’t deserve to be screamed at and violated. You deserve better ladies so let’s stand up against the abuse. Let us show men that we are strong. Strong enough to leave and be who we are meant to be.

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